Archive for July, 2011
I was going to buy a Nimitz class aircraft carrier today, but instead I bought lunch at Rubio’s.
And to be totally honest, I would rather have a burrito from Rubio’s even if an aircraft carrier was the same price.
I’m a saving machine… I just saved $4,500,000,000 and I didn’t even have to switch to GEICO!
Is there some sort of Congressional entrance exam where you need to NOT be able to pass 1st grade math?
Watching the whole deficit stuff unravel is like watching kindergardeners argue about something they don’t understand.
So let’s forget for a second that the US has around $115 TRILLION in unfunded liabilities, and just focus on a much “smaller” amount… the US debt is currently around $14.5 TRILLION.
Now the latest plan for debt reduction goes something like this… “We will only borrow and extra $800,000,000,000 per year instead of $1,200,000,000,000.” And it’s being billed as “saving $3 trillion over the next 10 years”. Last time I saved money, it was money I DIDN’T spend at all.
Let’s say I have $10,000 to my name, and I wanted to buy a new phone for $176,400 (the price of a Princess Plus iPhone)…
It’s $166,400 more than I can afford, so I decide to take out a loan for it. I decide that I’m going to instead get the less expensive version for $66,150 (less quality diamonds), so I only need a loan for $56,150.
I don’t know much about math, but I DO know that I’m amazing… I only had $10,000 to my name, yet I was able to save $110,250! If I do this every year for 10 years, I can save $1,102,500.
I’m a FUCKING GENIUS… I just solved my lifelong debt problem! The amount of money I can save is limitless.