What the hell??!? (blah, blah of a wannabe alien)
Jokes
I Saved $4.5 Billion
Jul 23rd
I was going to buy a Nimitz class aircraft carrier today, but instead I bought lunch at Rubio’s.
And to be totally honest, I would rather have a burrito from Rubio’s even if an aircraft carrier was the same price.
I’m a saving machine… I just saved $4,500,000,000 and I didn’t even have to switch to GEICO!
The Best News Show Ever
Oct 5th
So I’d like to put together a newscast… I want this guy to be my weatherman, and the guy from the previous blog entry needs to be my field reporter.
Reporter Turns Ghetto
Sep 26th
The more you watch this, the funnier it gets… watch it ten times. hahaha
Facebook Is Hard To Use
Aug 24th
Proof that you should have to take some sort of IQ test before having a Facebook account.
Telemarketer Prank
Feb 6th
This is a rather good idea for something to do when a telemarketer calls you. 
My Citizenship Is For Sale
Nov 19th
I know it’s rather unpatriotic to sell my citizenship to any country who gives me the lowest income tax rate, but well… it’s all good. I did a little (very little) research and found places like Russia have a 13% flat income tax rate (no wonder they can’t afford to launch their Soyuz).
Hopefully if I move my business and servers to another country, if it would be considered US income tax if I didn’t actually *work* while in the US… I could just live here as a permanent tourist. {shrug}
Anyway, if you are a representative of a country, you may place a bid here in comments, but please be advised it’s not a legally binding bid until I receive the notarized version (see below).
To the countries bidding:
- Please remember that it’s an excellent investment, as I should be able to generate a good income tax revenue stream for you over the course of my lifetime.
- While I can’t promise anything, I’m pretty smart, so I might do something cool like win a Nobel Peace Prize or perfect cold fusion (which would bring notoriety to your country).
- Upon request, I can offer a few years of my US income tax records so you can make an educated bid.
- I don’t really care if I have the right to vote (if it’s allowed in your country).
- Please don’t bid on my citizenship if you are just looking for soldiers for your army or community service workers. I’m not going to do any sort of government assigned job.
- All bids must be notarized with an original signature of your respective leader (president, prime minister, supreme overlord, etc.)
- I will consider inter-planetary citizenship at my sole discretion, but please keep in mind that bids from countries outside of Earth are not legally binding.
An Adult Version Of The Great Pumpkin
Oct 30th
If you grew up watching the Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin thing, you will think this is funny (unless of course you have no sense of humor). Thanks to Alison for letting me rip her off on this one.
White And Nerdy
Oct 23rd
I have to thank my old roommate Tracy for this… she apparently thinks of me whenever she hears this song. haha Great.
The RIAA/MPAA should take a note here… I never heard of this song until Tracy told me to go find it on YouTube… and I just purchased the whole album via iTunes Music Store because of it. I would have never gone to the store to buy it, but one-click purchasing of the album makes it easy. Now if you could just do this with DVDs, I would buy/watch more. And I guarantee I don’t have a unique viewpoint.
Oakland Raiders Find White Substance On Field
Sep 19th
Old news now, but maybe someone didn’t catch it…
Associated Press (9/15/2006, 8:30 AM PST)
OAKLAND, (CA)–Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Art Shell immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
(via Chris)
New Numa – The Return of Gary Brolsma
Sep 15th
Good ol’ Gary Brolsma has a new numa numa video… (you can find his original one over here)
Ron Burgundy SportsCenter Audition
Sep 14th
I know it’s a little old, but I didn’t see it until today, so now you get to see it too.
(via Bobby)
Retroencabulator
Sep 13th
I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a joke, or what… but this guy might as well been speaking Chinese and doing backflips. I think I may be able to put one in my new car (maybe)…
Learn About MySpace
Sep 11th
It looks like some community colleges are starting classes so people can learn how to use MySpace properly…
(I totally ripped this off from Julien)
Muslim Rave
Sep 10th
I don’t know much about Muslim religions, but to be honest, it looks like it could be a pretty fun party…
I’m Really An Indian Now
Aug 10th
So I’ve been wearing this Indian dress pajama thing for a few days now, and I’m starting to feel more and more Indian… so I took another picture so you guys can tell me what you think.
Actually it was Photoshopped (hah, really??) by a couple of Digital Point users, but it turned out rather funny I think.
Note: I just posted this while driving 70mph on the freeway. I don’t recommend… not safe, and very hard.
I Figured Out Where My Car Is
Jun 13th
Okay, so you know how my car got stolen a few weeks ago? I just had an epiphany and realized what really happened to it…
The MPAA/Universal Studios hired someone to steal my car. They didn’t do it because just want to annoy me or because they thought it had anything cool in it (which it didn’t… except for my sunglasses). Nope… the real reason is they want to see if I would lie to my insurance company to try and claim I had other stuff in it which I didn’t, then have my car magically turn up with whatever stuff they were hoping I would claim not there. Then they could somehow use that against me to show my “bad character”.
Oh… speaking of my car, it looks like it’s going to be around 7 weeks before I have a replacement. I had to put in a special order to get the exact one I had before (color and options), so they have to build it especially for me. Lame.
Inflatable Leg
Jun 9th
This is funny… and if you don’t think so, then you are dumb… because it is! heh
Denny Blazin’ Hazen Video
May 10th
The more I watch this guy, the more I realize what a lyrical genius he is… He’s good. Real good.
Average Homeboy – Denny Hazen
May 7th
I think this guy might actually be serious…
You can thank Julien for bringing this glorious video to my attention.
Stephen Colbert Roasts President Bush
May 6th
This aired a week ago, but it’s still funny and it just recently showed up on Google Video (they aren’t letting you embed the video unfortunately, so you need to click the link).
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879
President Bush didn’t look like he was having a terribly fun time during it. heh
New Carls Junior Commercial
Apr 29th
This video is pretty fitting… because sometimes the Carl’s Junior commercials are just nasty…
I’m In Vegas Right Now
Apr 8th
Sometimes it’s great fun (heh, okay…) to publish blog entries in the future. For example when this entry appears on the blog, I’ll be at Dane Cook’s show at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas.
Weeeeee…. great fun!
Giving Cops The Finger
Apr 5th
If you plan on walking up to a copy and flipping him off, be prepared for a beat down.
Dane Cook In Vegas
Apr 1st
Me and some friends decided to go to Las Vegas next weekend to go see Dane Cook on Saturday. Whew hew!
Too bad Julien, Scott and all the other sorry suckers that have to work can’t go! 
Daily Dancer
Mar 30th
This guy cracks me up… it’s like a train wreck. You don’t want to watch, but you can’t help it.
You can check out a ton of his dances, and even make requests.
Making Kids Cry
Mar 2nd
I saw this a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it on my blog, so a little late is better than never I suppose.
What a nice dad… make your kid cry (and probably crap his pants) and videotape it for your viewing pleasure. haha
My New Boyfriend
Feb 18th
Well, I wouldn’t *technically* call him my boyfriend… but he totally wants me.
Young Chuck Norris
Jan 23rd
Looks like Adam Sandberg did a followup to the widely popular “The Chronic – what? – cles of Narnia” Saturday Night Live skit. Not quite as funny, but still funny. Especially with all the Chuck Norris hoopla going on lately.
