Shawn Hogan Fan Club » Jokes http://www.shawnhogan.com What the hell??!? (blah, blah of a wannabe alien) Wed, 15 May 2013 09:22:47 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 I Saved $4.5 Billion http://www.shawnhogan.com/2011/07/i-saved-4-5-billion.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2011/07/i-saved-4-5-billion.html#comments Sat, 23 Jul 2011 21:40:41 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/?p=965 I was going to buy a Nimitz class aircraft carrier today, but instead I bought lunch at Rubio’s.

And to be totally honest, I would rather have a burrito from Rubio’s even if an aircraft carrier was the same price.

I’m a saving machine… I just saved $4,500,000,000 and I didn’t even have to switch to GEICO!

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2011/07/i-saved-4-5-billion.html/feed 2 The Best News Show Ever http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/10/the-best-news-show-ever.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/10/the-best-news-show-ever.html#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:26:32 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/10/the-best-news-show-ever.html So I’d like to put together a newscast… I want this guy to be my weatherman, and the guy from the previous blog entry needs to be my field reporter.

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/10/the-best-news-show-ever.html/feed 8 Reporter Turns Ghetto http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/09/reporter-turns-ghetto.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/09/reporter-turns-ghetto.html#comments Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:17:33 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/09/reporter-turns-ghetto.html The more you watch this, the funnier it gets… watch it ten times. hahaha

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/09/reporter-turns-ghetto.html/feed 6 Facebook Is Hard To Use http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/08/facebook-is-hard-to-use.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/08/facebook-is-hard-to-use.html#comments Mon, 24 Aug 2009 11:01:05 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/08/facebook-is-hard-to-use.html Proof that you should have to take some sort of IQ test before having a Facebook account.


]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2009/08/facebook-is-hard-to-use.html/feed 26 iRack http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/03/irack.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/03/irack.html#comments Tue, 20 Mar 2007 18:02:12 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/03/irack.html This is one of the funniest skits I’ve seen on MadTV in awhile…

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/03/irack.html/feed 15 Telemarketer Prank http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/telemarketer-prank.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/telemarketer-prank.html#comments Wed, 07 Feb 2007 05:24:25 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/telemarketer-prank.html This is a rather good idea for something to do when a telemarketer calls you. :)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/telemarketer-prank.html/feed 6 Bing Bong Brothers http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/bing-bong-brothers.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/bing-bong-brothers.html#comments Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:52:27 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/828.html This is so stupid it’s actually funny… :)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/bing-bong-brothers.html/feed 4 Michael Vick & Weed http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/michael-vick-weed.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/michael-vick-weed.html#comments Thu, 01 Feb 2007 21:27:44 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/micheal-vick-weed.html Hahaha…. funny. :)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2007/02/michael-vick-weed.html/feed 8 David Blaine Magic http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/david-blaine-magic.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/david-blaine-magic.html#comments Fri, 24 Nov 2006 21:41:41 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/david-blaine-magic.html Not really David Blaine, but much more entertaining. :)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/david-blaine-magic.html/feed 7 My Citizenship Is For Sale http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/my-citizenship-is-for-sale.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/my-citizenship-is-for-sale.html#comments Sun, 19 Nov 2006 23:35:21 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/?p=755 I know it’s rather unpatriotic to sell my citizenship to any country who gives me the lowest income tax rate, but well… it’s all good. I did a little (very little) research and found places like Russia have a 13% flat income tax rate (no wonder they can’t afford to launch their Soyuz). :)

Hopefully if I move my business and servers to another country, if it would be considered US income tax if I didn’t actually *work* while in the US… I could just live here as a permanent tourist. {shrug}

Anyway, if you are a representative of a country, you may place a bid here in comments, but please be advised it’s not a legally binding bid until I receive the notarized version (see below).

To the countries bidding:

  • Please remember that it’s an excellent investment, as I should be able to generate a good income tax revenue stream for you over the course of my lifetime.
  • While I can’t promise anything, I’m pretty smart, so I might do something cool like win a Nobel Peace Prize or perfect cold fusion (which would bring notoriety to your country).
  • Upon request, I can offer a few years of my US income tax records so you can make an educated bid.
  • I don’t really care if I have the right to vote (if it’s allowed in your country).
  • Please don’t bid on my citizenship if you are just looking for soldiers for your army or community service workers. I’m not going to do any sort of government assigned job.
  • All bids must be notarized with an original signature of your respective leader (president, prime minister, supreme overlord, etc.)
  • I will consider inter-planetary citizenship at my sole discretion, but please keep in mind that bids from countries outside of Earth are not legally binding.
]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/my-citizenship-is-for-sale.html/feed 15 An Adult Version Of The Great Pumpkin http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/an-adult-version-of-the-great-pumpkin.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/an-adult-version-of-the-great-pumpkin.html#comments Mon, 30 Oct 2006 23:15:57 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/an-adult-version-of-the-great-pumpkin.html If you grew up watching the Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin thing, you will think this is funny (unless of course you have no sense of humor). Thanks to Alison for letting me rip her off on this one. :)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/an-adult-version-of-the-great-pumpkin.html/feed 1 White And Nerdy http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/white-and-nerdy.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/white-and-nerdy.html#comments Tue, 24 Oct 2006 03:26:11 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/?p=728 I have to thank my old roommate Tracy for this… she apparently thinks of me whenever she hears this song. haha Great.

The RIAA/MPAA should take a note here… I never heard of this song until Tracy told me to go find it on YouTube… and I just purchased the whole album via iTunes Music Store because of it. I would have never gone to the store to buy it, but one-click purchasing of the album makes it easy. Now if you could just do this with DVDs, I would buy/watch more. And I guarantee I don’t have a unique viewpoint.

Update

Hahahaha… speaking of which, I’ve been listening to the album and just heard “Don’t Download This Song”, which you can download for free over here.

Lyrics

Once in a while
Maybe you will feel the urge.
To break into national copyright law
By downloading mp3s
From file sharing sites
Like morphous or grogster or limewire or kazza.
But deep in your Heart.
You know the guilt would drive you mad
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
Cause you start out stealing songs
Then you’re robbing liquor stores
And selling Crack
And running over school kids with your car

[Chorus]
So Don’t Download This Song
The record store is where you belong
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh Don’t Download This Song

Oh you don’t want to mess
With the R I Double A
They’ll sue you if you burn that Cdr.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a grandma
Or a seven year old girl
They’ll treat you like the evil Hard-bitten criminal scum you are

[Chorus]
So Don’t Download This Song (don’t go)
Pirating music all day long
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh Don’t Download This Song

Don’t take away money
From artists just like me
How else can I afford another solid gold Hum V
And diamond studded swimming pools
These things don’t grow on trees
So all I ask is everybody Pleaseeeeee

[Chorus]
Don’t Download This Song (Don’t do it No No)
Even Lars Urlich Know it’s wrong (You could just ask him)
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should (You Really Should)
Oh Don’t Download This Song

Don’t Download This Song (Oh please don’t you do it or you)
Might Wind up in Jail like Tommy Chong (Remember Tommy)
Go and buy the CD (Right Now) like you know that you should (Go out and Buy it)
Oh Don’t Download This Song.

Don’t Download This Song (No no no no no no)
Or you’ll burn in hell before to long (And you deserve it)
Go and buy the CD (Just buy it) like you know that you should (You should get it)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/10/white-and-nerdy.html/feed 8 Oakland Raiders Find White Substance On Field http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/oakland-raiders-find-white-substance-on-field.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/oakland-raiders-find-white-substance-on-field.html#comments Tue, 19 Sep 2006 20:11:34 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/oakland-raiders-find-white-substance-on-field.html Old news now, but maybe someone didn’t catch it…

Associated Press (9/15/2006, 8:30 AM PST)

OAKLAND, (CA)–Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Art Shell immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

(via Chris)
]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/oakland-raiders-find-white-substance-on-field.html/feed 3 New Numa – The Return of Gary Brolsma http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/new-numa-the-return-of-gary-brolsma.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/new-numa-the-return-of-gary-brolsma.html#comments Fri, 15 Sep 2006 22:34:14 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/?p=677 Good ol’ Gary Brolsma has a new numa numa video… :) (you can find his original one over here)

Update

I actually bought the song from iTunes Music store. It’s catchy. :)

]]> http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/new-numa-the-return-of-gary-brolsma.html/feed 1 Ron Burgundy SportsCenter Audition http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/ron-burgundy-sportscenter-audition.html http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/ron-burgundy-sportscenter-audition.html#comments Thu, 14 Sep 2006 17:27:15 +0000 Shawn http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/09/ron-burgundy-sportscenter-audition.html I know it’s a little old, but I didn’t see it until today, so now you get to see it too. :)

(via Bobby)
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