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This is what happens when you piss off a customer who happens to be an engineer.

A random email I just got…
What? I mean how hard is it to get on this site? Is this a whore site?
I just want to know why it’s in my computer history????
If my husband is really stupid enough to deal with this kind of….thing, (I’ll put it nicely), then so he can […]

Now I’m MySpace, Google *and* Visa…
can’t find out how much is left on my 2 visa gift cards.
Send me your gift card… I will buy stuff with it until I can’t buy anymore. I will then let you know how much I charged. That should be a pretty close number for you.

You know what’s kind of annoying? 10,000 drunk people in one place.

Going through emails today…
i need help geting to my myspace.
People think I’m Google *and* MySpace now. Here’s a link for you… http://www.myspace.com/… is that helpful?

Another email (in it’s entirety) I received today…
I am a SEO
Well that’s neat. I am a person.

Another random email I just received…
I have closed my Google Adwords account 6 months ago and you guys are still taking money out of my account. I want it to stop now!!
I’m not Google dude. I didn’t take any money out of your credit card you opened your AdWords account with. Did you […]

So I called Cingular to double-check when my contract was up so I could switch my cell phone service to another carrier, and I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with this lady who couldn’t tell me anything about my account…
Her: I need your account password in order to do anything on your account.
Me: […]

I received my first Christmas card this year… and it was from Google. It’s a digital photo frame… pretty cool if you ask me.
Comes with a mini USB cable, power cord, batteries, and an international power adapter. The international power adapter will really come in handy for some other stuff.
According […]

Uhm, this is rather ballsy I must say…

Another random email I just received…
This is a happy day today! I am leaving my line of work for the last twenty five years.
No idea who this guy is, but hoooorrraaayyyy!!!! Happy days are finally here!!!!

Hahaha… this is so funny…

Another random email I got…
i am a sculpturer working with hardwood.I am looking for fob.
That’s cool you are a sculptor… unfortunately you haven’t found fob, just fab.

I know this is just one of those stupid examples where a company (eBay in this case) buys every keyword in Google Adwords that they can come up with, but it’s still kind of funny…
http://www.digitalpoint.com/tools/adsense-sandbox/?url=piracy

You know how people reference decades? Like, “I like 80’s music.” or “The 60’s was great.”, etc… I’ve been wondering how people are going to reference this decade in the future… “That’s so 0’s.”??
I think it’s going to be naughts. Although now I’m wondering what the next decade is going to be, […]

This would be good for anyone that ever forgot their anniversary…
24 hours before your special day, the Hot Spot™ on the interior surface of your Remember Ring™ will warm to 120º F for approximately 10 seconds, and continue to warm up every hour, on the hour, all day long!

http://www.alaskajewelry.com/remember-rings-never-forget-anniversary-p-2040.html

Here’s a marketing tip for everyone trying to sell something… be likable. I just had to buy a vacuum, and I ended up spending $500 (I can only assume it’s over-priced) on a new Dyson vacuum for the sole reason is that Dyson guy on the commercials seems like a nice guy. […]

Today is a glorious event… It is the anniversary of the day that I was brought forth into this world to entertain you with my random musings.
September 1st, 1975 is when I was born. That means my parents were doing the naughty deed on New Years Eve.
More importantly, I have 2 friends in real […]

Okay not really, but I did get out of my home for the first time since Thursday today (because of my surgery). It was also the first day I was able to shave and take a shower.
It still hurts to do much beyond laying in bed/on couch though.

Don’t know what else to say about it… that’s it.

I forgot that my mom mentioned a few weeks ago that I have a Wikipedia entry (you know how parents are, always searching for this kids or something).
Obviously it was spawned from the Wired Magazine article, but it still would be interesting to know who started it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shawn_Hogan

This was the first time I ever went to a SES show and it was quite a bit bigger than I thought they were. Attendance was probably ~5,000 people or so. The really interesting thing though is all the parties… enough parties that you end up missing half the show because you are […]

I actually was born on an Indian reservation (which is true BTW), but that’s not the kind of Indian I’m talking about. Today I decided to try out being something other than an American. Today, I’m an Indian. I don’t speak Hindi, Punjabi, Gujarati or any of the other dialects over in […]

Here’s an email I just got…
I realy like your athletes foot. I taste like fooky
I don’t even know what to comment about that, other than, “Bahahahaha!”

Living in San Diego has me completely spoiled as far as weather/temperature goes… It’s always like 65-80° any day of the year.
Except for today… it’s f’ing hot outside right now (see graphic on the right).
I checked the temp where my mom lives, and it’s 112° there. Yikes!
There’s some poor sucker outside on the street […]

What happened to Michael Knight? David Hasslehoff was much cooler back in the day I think.
Then:

Now:

Here’s an email I just received (in it’s entirety)…
I live in an apt bldg. in Dutchess Co, NY. I had bats in my apt 6/12/06. Landlord CLAIMS that extrminator was at my apt on 6/21/06 to check and found no holes/areas where bats could enter bldg. I was home that day; saw […]

The chair that I broke was finally replaced today (had to have it shipped). I ended up getting the *exact* same chair because it’s really comfortable. I guess $69.99 for a chair you use for 12 years isn’t *too* bad.

I (almost) fell out of my chair yesterday because I’m such a fat ass that my chair broke. It didn’t just “break” either. The four welds held just fine, just the steel itself wasn’t strong enough to hold me, so the steel was ripped out where the welds were holding it together.

Oh well, […]

Another random email…
ple make me a member of orkut
One thing that is really nice about this email (and the last one), is that people have started to say “please” (partially anyway) when asking me to do their bidding of odd tasks. Unfortunately I don’t own Google (not even any stock), I don’t work at […]

Here’s an email I just got…
Please provide the LINE OF SUCCESSION to real property of a deceased who died without leaving a Will. Two sons - one deceased; one living.
I’m not really sure why anyone would mistake me for an estate lawyer, but uhm… apparently word is out that I moonlight as legal counsel. […]

Kind of funny… {shrug}

An email I got today (the whole thing)…
I need spam! I am testing my e-mail and I need someone to send me tons of it!
What kind of whacko *wants* spam? If there was a way I could send you all my spam, you certainly would be welcome to it, but I’m not going […]

You know what’s an awesome feeling? When you have one of those nights when you play some poker and you can’t be beaten.
It’s fun when you dominate poker night (especially since it happens far and few between for me).

Here’s an interesting email…
I need someone to come to my town so I can get nookingtons my name i dont know but i think it is james my town is Stockton
I have no clue what this dude is talking about, but I Googled “nookingtons”, and apparently it’s a store that exists only in a Nintendo […]

I guess it goes in waves… because last December, I was just saying I need to be more dorky. Well, I just looked over my blog from the last few weeks, and it seems I’ve inadvertently become very good at that… with all the, “blade servers this… MySQL that… load balancers this…” stuff.
The new […]

Another random email (in it’s entirety)…
Someone stole my company, why I was a way.We move El Tigere’ Paint and Body. Money opened it ,my contacts,my account’s. They still using my tax I.D.# and my credit but the bills are coming to me. My DBA
What in the hell? How did someone “steal” your company, and […]

I had breakfast with Matt on Saturday, and on our way back to my place, some lady fell asleep at the wheel and rear-ended us pretty hard. No screeching tires or anything to warn us of the impact, she just unexpectedly slammed into the back of us. We were in a big car […]

I had to sign a “model release form” today. Haha!
I’m a model now.

Another random email (in it’s entirety)…
Wow, you are very unprofessional, I am sure that is why you sit at home with momy still at the age of 30 plus trying your best to run what you probably tell everyone is a business from your messy bedroom at momys house, I understand, I was there about […]

I was having lunch with Tom today and we started blabbing about something kind of funny…
You know how pretty much anything can be “traded” (stocks, bonds, resources, etc.)? It’s just all based on the perceived future value of something. So wouldn’t it be interesting to essentially issue shares of yourself. Shareholders would […]

Someone just let me know that digitalpoint.com is in the top 100 most trafficked domains for English language sites (#99 specifically). Hmmm… that’s pretty cool.
http://www.alexa.com/site/ds/top_sites?ts_mode=lang&lang=en

There are some pretty cool architectural designs from the old Soviet Union that never came to fruition…
http://www.muar.ru/ve/2003/moscow/index_e.htm

(via digg)

Here’s one I got (in it’s entirety like always)…
I FUCKING HATE THIS DAMN SITE IM GOING TO FUCKING MILK MY COW YOU BITCH!!!!
Okay… I can understand someone hating my site… I’m sure he/she isn’t the only one. But This dude hates my site so much that he’s going to go milk his cow. […]

I really would like to meet some of the people that are on the sending end of these emails.
Iwon’t sex film
That’s the whole email… I don’t know why this dude (maybe a girl, I dunno) feels like they need to email me telling me they are not going to “have sex with […]

Here’s another random one…
pls,i want to connected with u ,pls
Say what dude??

Another random email I got today (in it’s entirety)…
please let me how can i hack a yahoo id?
Do I look like “Grand Master Hacker Shawn” or something? Why don’t you call Yahoo and ask them how to hack their whole site… then you can access all the Yahoo IDs you want.

If anyone is tossing and turning at night trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday (in September.. heh), here’s an excellent idea. An infrared emitter for emergency vehicles that will turn traffic lights green for you (that of course is a joke, I’m sure you can’t buy one… but it […]

This article is crap… this dude might BE a ninja, but he certainly isn’t the last. First of all, I’m a ninja (I completed my training already), and so is Bobby. So I know two ninjas without even looking for them.
The teachings of Grand Master Masaaki Hatsumi echo through my head as he […]

Another weird email… Am I getting more than normal??
Typed about 200 pages of text. Due to an addition of information, I need to remove these page numbers and re-assign new numbers. However, the page numbers are in a shaded or gray color, and I am finding it imposible to remove them. Any help […]

Here’s a good one I got today.
I want Admin password
That is the whole email. Obviously this person is a mastermind at social engineering and phishing. Thankfully I didn’t fall for it though. That was close… {phew!}

I have no clue what this lady is blabbing about, but apparently the other lady didn’t like it too much.

Lucky number 13 since I started posting random emails I get.
i just heard about the mysterious website and i want to know all about it.
That’s it… that’s the whole email. hah My website is mysterious…

We have become “too safe” here in the United States I think. In other countries (Russia for example), you see stuff like this.

Another good random email I got today…
i big to stat that my id password some body change then i want to get agian so now please kindly grant me live.so there for sir i want guide me OR to get it for thank you.
What in the *hell* are you talking about dude?

Julien sent me a couple pictures from Saint Patrick’s Day, so I tossed them up in the photo gallery if anyone is really bored.

About to drink the foulest drink ever made.

This guy looks a lot like the guy that thrashed me at golf recently - gee, I look pretty serious too

“There is no such thing […]

I’m a bank now too it seems…
Hi , I live in Ukraine how I can get bank account or credit card in USA ?
Please answer.
Just send me your money (cash only please), and I’ll see what I can do.

Here’s another one (in it’s entirety)…
i want to see guys pictures or any thing thats will fun or not fun yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmmm… don’t know who you are, but are you uhm… drunk?

More of them…
Hi!I can’t get asleep.What are U doing?I hope U are not sleeping tooo!
Why would anyone bother to email you just to wish their misfortune of insomnia on you? Bastards!

This is a nicely choreographed break dancing routine… Must have practiced for years to get this one right.

This guy is lonely…
I need true, real, good friend.
That’s the entire email… nothing else. Maybe if you would tell me a little about yourself, your desires in life or whatever else, I could be your one true, real, good friend.

Apparently I’m also a nutritionist now…
MY BODY IS VERY SLIM AND MY BODY WEIGHT IS VERY LOW.
I HAVE TO INCREASE BODY WEIGHT THEN WAHT CA I DO .
Eat a bowl of mayonnaise for breakfast… that should help you gain some weight.

Those crazy Chinese are always innovating!

What the hell is this person sending me this for?
Have a list of Credit Card numbers, CVV numbers, phone numbers and addresses of American and British citizens. Have got these from BPOs. Let me know if youre interested.
Uhm… do I look like the credit card fraud auction center to you dude? I don’t even […]

Someone went through a lot of trouble to recreate the Simpson’s opening sequence…

Geez man… I’ve been paying $140/month for my 6Mbit DSL line from SBC for years. Today I ran across something that shows 6Mbit DSL lines from SBC are $44.99/month with a 1 year contract or $59.99 if you pay month to month.
So I called them and asked what the difference was between my $140/month […]

Another weird one I just got…
Hi I am Denise, I have a 1993 Geo Tracker and the check engine light is on. I did replace the 02 sensor and did a tune up with all new plugs and the check engine light is still on. Not sure how many 02 sensor’s are in my tuck […]

This guy might actually be who they modeled the Prince of Persia games after…

My cousin turned me on to this site tonight… it’s really cool (especially if you are looking for real estate or are a realtor).
http://www.zillow.com/

I woke up this morning and there was no electricity in my house…
“Oh yeah… SDG&E sent me a letter telling me it as going to be off from 9:00 am to 3:30 pm today.”
Gee, that sucks. No electricity means no computers, no Internet, no nothing basically. My housekeepers are coming today too… I […]

Here’s a video of me from 3 or 4 years ago. What I want to know is why in the hell do I only get one skate? My cousin seems to have gotten two. Lame…

BTW, you need QuickTime 7 to see it.

Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old lawyer, was shot by our vice president, Dick Cheney over the weekend while Cheney was quail hunting.
He contributed $1,000 to Bush’s 2000 presidential campaign and $2,000 to his 2004 re-election bid.
Nice “thank you” for donating, eh?

UpdateHarry Whittington had a minor heart attack today after a piece of birdshot […]

The music certainly makes it more entertaining…
http://www.totallycrap.com/media/tunnelaccident/

I was thinking today that I’ve never actually had business cards before (never really needed them). But sometimes it might be handy to have them (I dunno… maybe you need something to write on real quick…)
So I decided if I’m going to get business cards, I’m going to make cool ones. But then […]

Sometimes I forget about how god damn sexy I am.
This is what happens when I’m out trying to pick up cows and my pimp juice is flowing.
If I had an identical twin brother, I would seriously consider a life of homosexuality (and incest I suppose).
So seriously, I want to know what you think… On a […]

I know it’s in terribly bad taste to make fun of someone’s blog (especially since this one sucks), but when someone starts ripping on San Diego, S.D. has to represent bitches! (I’m 3rd or 4th generation San Diegian)
http://theportlandmove.blogspot.com/
Actually, now that I dig into it a little more, I don’t even have to […]

I wonder if Osama bin Laden is super stoked about one of his “blood” posing for racy pictures in GQ magazine…
“The niece of the man who orchestrated the destruction of the World Trade Center seventy-eight blocks to the south has a point. After September 11, the name bin Laden (which is how it’s spelled when […]

Anyone can make money in the stock market when it’s a bull market and running up like crazy. The stock market is going to have good days and bad days… If you want to measure your (or your money managers’) success, don’t measure it based on what you made on a good day, instead […]

Both Google and Apple stock are currently trading at their all-time highs. What’s even more impressive is they are both up 19% in the last 30 days. Not a bad gain for a month. Both stocks are well over 100% gain for the last year.

What do these two companies have in common? […]

I think the stock market is about to start a pretty big run up until at least the end of the year (bigger gains than we have seen all year). Tech stocks are going to be the industry that is the driving force for this bull run. We’ll see how my psychic prediction […]

Google’s stock closed at $372.14 today (up $13.97 for the day), which I thankfully I own some shares. I wonder how much higher it’s going to go before they announce a stock split. Even as it is now, it seems like a 10:1 stock split would be “reasonable”. It’s not the first […]

So I’m sitting here working, minding my own business, when I happened to hear the roar of a jet engine somewhere close. So make the huge trouble (hehe) of turning my head to look out my window, and two Stealth Fighters were cruising by (maybe 500 feet off the ground). Obviously they just […]

Spam in my “normal” mailbox has gotten crazy lately. I get *maybe* one actual letter per day, and then 10-15 spam mails (free magazines, catalogs and all sorts of other crap). So today I decided to actually call these places and get removed from their mailing lists.
Guess what? You can’t be removed. […]

Dude, sometimes when you get free stuff it’s more annoying than anything else. The Wall Street Journal started sending me a free 6 month subscription out of the blue.
That’s cool and all, except I don’t have a fireplace where I live, so I don’t need newspaper to start a fire. Nor do I […]

This is funny…

So my birthday is coming up next week and I realized my license expires this year (on my birthday), so I went to the DMV to renew it. Now what I want to know is when did going to the DMV become a pleasant experience? I went to the DMV today at like […]

When the earth was created, it rotated pretty fast (a day was about 6 hours). The moon’s gravity has slowed that down to 24 hours now. But in about a billion years, the moon will have slowed the earth’s rotation do a day is 1,200 hours.
How’s that for a work day? […]

This is just funny, so I don’t really have to say anything else about it (so there!)…

You would think that the President of the United States would have a better TV to watch the shuttle launch from, but I guess not. This is George Bush watching today’s shuttle launch.

As many of you know, I’m in the middle of fulfilling my childhood dream of becoming a ninja. At this stage of training, it’s just a lot of book work, but hopefully someday it will be all worth it.
Today we learned about the Monkey Steals The Peach move. This is where you take […]

I’m getting really sick of shaving… does anyone know if you can use that nair hair removal crap on your face and/or head?

I know Gizoogle isn’t new, but it’s funny to see this blog translated, so here you go…
Translate Me Fool!

It was dark (no lights), cold (no heater) and loud (from SDG&E making noise all night), but we made it through the night. Pheeeew! heh

SDG&E are working on something to do with the electricity under the streets tonight where I live. Which means they are shutting off all the power to my neighborhood between 10:00 pm and 8:00 am tonight. If I don’t go to bed right away, it’s going to be strange. Sit around and […]

Election day is finally here. I’m a registered voter in California, but I’m not going to vote because the electoral voting system is stupid. California is a lock for Kerry, so he gets all 55 electoral votes regardless of what percentage of California actually votes for him. If I lived in a […]

Sometimes I really feel like people are incapable of thinking for themselves… Let’s take a home loan for example.
It’s widely known that you can write off the interest of the loan (not the principal) in your income taxes. Soon I’ll be building a house, and everyone keeps telling me that I should get a […]

Of course I’m sure there are some nice and normal car salespeople, but this was just too funny… I started to inquire about a Hummer SUT to a few dealerships, and this was one of my conversations:
Me: I want this color and these options [boring stuff cut out]. If you have that exact vehicle […]

I would just like to say that after been stuck with Zest soap for awhile before going back to Irish Spring soap, I truly appreciate what a superior soap Irish Spring is. I don’t think I’ll ever use anything else for the rest of my life. That’s terribly interesting, wouldn’t you say? […]