Category Archives: Weird Stuff

Random Email #38

I don’t really use email… but once in awhile I skim through them. I forgot how funny email is sometimes.

Email I got in it’s entirety:

Not sure but I think I was violated I may be drugged or hypnotized from home. Maybe check cause I can not. 213 0451(Samsung tv

Errr… is that some dude’s phone number without the area code? Who are you, and why are you emailing me about maybe being hypnotized from home? lol

What Does Carmen Electra, Cyber-Terrorism and Meg Whitman Have In Common? eBay!

Note: This was moved from blogs.digitalpoint.com to here, because well… blogs.digitalpoint.com is no longer a sub-domain we use (user blogs were wiped when we migrated to XenForo).

I haven’t said much about it to date about the dealings between myself and eBay, because well… I didn’t see a point. But now with people’s imaginations running wild about what did (and didn’t) happen, I suppose I’ll talk about it. The story itself is far more interesting than you would think possible within an affiliate program.

The Beginning
I started doing things with the eBay affiliate program in the fall of 2004. On October 20, 2004, I decided I would see if I could rank well for one of the “holy grail” SEO keywords… “eBay“. On November 9, 2004, I was in the top 10 in Google for “ebay”… specifically I was #9 (at the time, the top 50 results were just the various official eBay sites for various countries). On December 10, 2004, I held the #4 *and* #5 position in Google for the keyword “eBay” and this was a position I held in Google until April, 2006 (when Google updated their algorithm, and I no longer cared about the ranking). I also held the #1 spot for other things like, “eBay Registration” (even higher than ebay.com’s registration page). The rankings were partially done with the Co-op Ad Network. People saw me outranking eBay’s own domain for the keyword “eBay” and in December of 2004 the Ad Network exploded in popularity. All of a sudden we had hundreds of millions of pages on the Internet serving billions of Ad Network ads every day.

I got the attention of eBay because my affiliate income was going crazy and they assigned someone to be my “go to” person for anything I needed within the eBay program. This person was assigned to me in early 2005.

Personally I was more than happy with the income I was getting as an eBay affiliate, but eBay was not and helped me come up with new/innovative ideas for driving more traffic to eBay.

Spring 2005
Due to the overwhelming popularity and reach of the Ad Network, eBay came up with the idea in the spring of 2005 that we should use our ad network for more than just helping people rank well in search engines. The logic was that we are serving billions of ads every day, so why not use it as a traditional advertising delivery system? It made sense, so we tried it out by using a small percentage of the Ad Network ad space to serve up tens of millions of eBay ads every day that ultimately were affiliate links. Affiliate income jumped another 300% around that time (as expected).

The Promise Made

At this time, the eBay contact that was assigned to me was constantly complaining about how they need to get a new car because their car was crappy. I finally got tired of continuously hearing about their crappy car and promised that I would buy them a new car if I ever made over $1M/month, but they could never talk about their car again starting now. I honestly never thought I would make anywhere remotely close to $1M/month at this point, so it was an easy way just to get them to shut up about their car.

Summer 2005
eBay was pleased… they were getting massive amounts of traffic and it sure made their affiliate program look good. In the summer of 2005, eBay decided it needed more traffic from me. I told eBay I couldn’t drive any more traffic. They responded that I should “experiment” with what they deemed “grey area” things (this is what eBay called anything that violated their terms of service).

At this point, things started to seem strange to me. eBay was paying affiliates millions per month, when they had no competition… for the most part it was traffic they would receive anyway. And why was eBay *happy* (and they were) that I was outranking them for their own company name and paying me for it? Someone searched Google for “eBay”, came to my site and I would send them to ebay.com to get affiliate revenue. Finally I confronted eBay about it all. I told them numerous times that I didn’t understand even why they HAD an affiliate program, and that I would gladly do what I do for them for 1% of what they were paying me. The response I was met with with ultimately was (and I quote), “Well don’t tell anyone that. Why do you not like ‘Free money’?”

When I asked them why they would knowingly allow affiliates to violate their terms of service, they were very good at avoiding answering my actual question. Finally after pestering them with the same question for weeks, they broke down and informed me that their terms of service (and even the entire affiliate program to some degree) was a bit of a facade. It allowed eBay to do things they wanted to do (like spam search engines, deploy in countries where they had no actual presence, etc.), while also giving them a way to wash their hands of any wrong-doing when any of their large partners (like Google) would question them about it (like why there are so many spam sites directing people to eBay). They could simply say, “It’s our affiliates, and they are violating the terms of service we set forth.” To me, I suppose it sort of made sense and I stopped questioning them about it. BTW, one of the times this was explained to me was at PubCon in Las Vegas, *while* an eBay employee was going around to each public access computer with a USB dongle he developed that would automatically install something that would redirect any user to eBay when they tried to access Yahoo Auctions.

I was informed by eBay that they understood that in order to keep the interest of their large affiliates and keep them creative/innovative they allowed them to experiment with doing pretty much anything as long as the affiliate let them know if they put something into large-scale deployment and it violated their terms of service. So in the summer of 2005 I played around with all sorts of things (most things did not violate their terms of service, and most things were ultimately bad ideas for driving a decent amount of traffic). One of the things that was toyed with was a mechanism to force the end user to click through to a site that they didn’t actually click on.

I first heard the name Ben Edelman towards the end of the summer. Apparently eBay contracts with Ben to do random compliance checking on their affiliates and issues a monthly compliance report to them. I showed up on his compliance report because this was the time they gave me the go ahead to play with non-compliant things. eBay then proceeded to amend what they told me prior. I was free to do experiment with whatever I wanted, as long as I didn’t show up on any outside compliance reports. They said outside compliance was something they had to do as a publicly traded company, but wasn’t something they paid much attention to internally. When I first showed up on Ben’s compliance report eBay told me it would be best if I just blanket filter (via geo-targeting) the area were Ben worked as well as locations Ben Edelman might be. This included the bay area, Santa Barbara (CJ was located there), Boston, Washington DC as well as an area in upstate New York. eBay even sent me a copy of the “secret monthly compliance report that no one was supposed to know about”. The fact that I showed up on his compliance report was a bit irrelevant anyway since I wasn’t experimenting with any grey area stuff any longer by the time the report was given so in the end there wasn’t anything I needed to change.

Geo Visitors
eBay knew how widely used our Geo Visitors tool was (installed on millions of web pages, MySpace profiles, etc.). So they asked me to direct traffic to eBay when someone clicked on the Geo Visitors button that was widely installed, which looked like this:

Instead of sending the user to the map they were expecting, they would end up on eBay (this was done sometimes, not all the time). I actually brought up the point to eBay that this violates their own terms of service… specifically the part of their terms of service that state you can’t mislead the end user or trick them into clicking something. After further discussion my eBay rep came back, saying they talked to their legal department and I was in fact correct. Their solution wasn’t to stop the traffic though, but instead make the Geo Visitors button display as a small eBay ad instead. Specifically, the Geo Visitors button would sometimes show as:

Personally, I was not okay with this, as it really seemed like a bait and switch… The whole reason I brought up the original implementation as a violation of their terms of service was because I didn’t want to do it anymore and was hoping they would stop applying pressure for me to do it. In the end, the pressure eBay put to leave it as a “sometimes” eBay ad won out. And affiliate revenue again nearly doubled.

The Promise Kept

This was also the time that my affiliate revenue from eBay broke over $1M in a single month, which is significant because now I had to make good on the “promise” that I never thought I would have to follow through on. My eBay contact called me immediately after I broke $1M in a month and said, “Okay, you broke $1M… buy me a car.” Sadly, I’m a man of my word and I did try to buy them a car… unfortunately the car they wanted was backordered everywhere, so instead of buying them an actual car I told them I would give them the money needed for the car and they could go find one themselves. It wasn’t extortion or anything since I was the one that offered, but it sure felt like it to me in the end. That was a promise I made that ultimately cost me $50,000.

On top of that, I was coerced into buying my eBay contact a plasma TV, a really nice laptop (while I had a crappy TV and crappy laptop of my own… hah), etc. I kept asking if this was “normal”, and was only told, “Yes, all the affiliates buy their contacts stuff like this.”

Spring 2006
My life started to get very strange. People were finding out how much money I was making by being an eBay affiliate, which made people go a little crazy I think. My servers were getting around 100,000 hack attempts per day, people were showing up on my doorstep from Europe (literally) threatening me with crap if I didn’t tell them what I was doing for eBay. My car got stolen from a “secure” parking structure. More than one person found where I was building a house, broke into the development to take pictures and post on their blog, etc.

I didn’t like the attention and this was not the life I wanted.

I proceeded to inform eBay that I no longer wanted to participate in the eBay affiliate program… but every time I brought this up with them (which was every time I talked to them at this point), I was guilted into staying, with them asking me to stay “one more month” or “can you just wait until the end of the quarter so it doesn’t wreck our numbers?”. Finally I REALLY wanted to be done and not strung along anymore and again was guilted into staying with them telling me how many hours they spent getting me a “special rate”, etc, etc. and now it would all be for nothing if I was going to quit.

eBay Live! – June 2006
The top affiliates get invited to an eBay affiliate conference that takes place during eBay Live! each year. The conference was in Las Vegas this year and eBay affiliate program managers (along with some other eBay executives) invited me to a “secret meeting/dinner” where I was the only non-eBay employee invited. We had dinner at Mix, a swanky restaurant at THE Hotel.

Who cares, about a private dinner, right? Normally yes, until you get into what the topic of discussion at this dinner was. This dinner meeting had two main topics… 1. How can I drive more traffic to eBay (always the topic with eBay) as well as something far more interesting.

The Black Budget
One topic that was discussed was eBay secret “black budget”. This was described as a large allotment of money that eBay was free to do what they wanted with, without it being reported on accounting sheets (and in turn shareholders). eBay wanted me to REALLY ramp up spamming the web with eBay ads. I told them I wasn’t interested at ALL and in fact still wanted to quit the program completely, not “ramp it up”. I explained to them that Google was pretty good to me as far as sending me traffic and that I had no interest in spamming Google search results. Then they offered to buy any hardware I wanted with their black budget and get it co-located offshore if I wanted so that no one could trace the spamming back to me or digitalpoint.com. I still told them I wasn’t interested.

Then they made it very clear that they have no love for Google at all and would actually pay me whatever I wanted from their black budget to “hurt Google in any way I can”. I didn’t really understood what they were asking or even why they would want to “hurt Google”. I pointed out that Google is not their competitor and hurting Google ultimately would only hurt them in the end since they get traffic FROM Google. Finally they came out and said they were angry at Google because eBay was one of the largest AdWords advertisers and Google recently changed their AdWords pricing to take into account “ad quality” (more on that here) and it was costing eBay exponentially more in advertising dollars. I still wasn’t clear exactly what they meant by “hurt Google”, and pressed them to be a little more specific. Their answer was, “You are creative… think of anything you can think of and just name your price. Maybe you could figure out a way to take down Google datacenters somehow?” eBay even flew down an executive from their pay per click advertising division to talk about this.

Yeah, no. eBay asking me to engage in cyber-terrorism against Google… thanks, but no thanks. I’m not going down that road.

After I made it blatantly clear that I was not interested in “hurting Google” for any price the topic turned back to how I could drive more traffic to the affiliate program. I told them that I really didn’t think there was a way I could drive more traffic. They questioned me about any of the “grey area” stuff I experimented with in the previous summer and if there anything in there that could drive traffic. I told them that it was *possible* to add additional traffic, but the only traffic they could get from that would be non-compliant. Their response was, “As long as you don’t show up on compliance reports, it’s compliant as far as we are concerned.”

Carmen Electra & The Super Bowl
In 2006, I had a new idea for driving traffic to the eBay affiliate program that started as a joke. I had the idea to “Win A Date With Carmen Electra” (or some other person along those lines that would agree to it). The idea entailed running a Super Bowl ad that directed you to a site that passed traffic through to eBay via an affiliate link. My joke became serious when eBay actually wanted me to run the Super Bowl ad. They even went so far as to get special approval from their legal department after I expressed my concern about spending the money to run the ad when they could decide they didn’t want to do it (or pay the commissions on it) after I already foot the bill. There wasn’t enough time to get it ready for the Super Bowl that winter (and eBay was rather annoyed I couldn’t do it that year).

Fall 2006
I don’t recall the exact time, but I believe it was in the fall of 2006. I showed up on Ben Edelman’s monthly compliance report again, and this time he was absolutely furious with eBay employees about it. What *I* heard is that during the conference call with the eBay affiliate managers, he did a lot of yelling and screaming about why I was still participating in the eBay affiliate program when I should have been terminated last time I showed up on his report.

eBay’s response to him? “We’ll take care of it.”

eBay’s response to me? “Ben can only cross reference affiliates by PID. Please change your PID in case you show up on Ben’s report in the future.” Yep, that’s right… eBay only wanted me to change my tracking ID so Ben Edelman couldn’t see it was an affilate that was on his report in the past.

Private Jets
eBay knew I was not driven by the money (clearly since I told them constantly I didn’t want to participate in the program any longer and that I would do what I did for eBay for 1% of what they were paying). They ended up getting creative to keep me interested in the program for the last year. Going so far as to trying to get clearance so I earned hours on a private jet instead of commissions (even if those commissions were worth more, it was more interesting to me).

Rover
In the fall of 2006 eBay was switching over to their in-house rover links and I was very slow to switch my links to rover. I didn’t see a point in it really… the old links were working just fine. They were oddly insistant that I move my links to rover, but would never actually tell me why. Their refusal to tell me why made me not want to do it, so we went around and around for months with this. I told them I would switch my links to rover as soon as they told me why it’s so important. Finally they said it was important to them because traffic going through rover links had no compliance checking.

The End
In June of 2007, my affiliation with eBay ended. And truthfully, I was very happy about it (in the previous year, nearly every communication I had with eBay, I would bring up the fact I didn’t want to participate in the eBay affiliate program any longer), so it was an easy way out without them begging/pleading that I stay in the program “just a little longer”.

eBay’s Numbers
eBay was clearly driven somehow by the overall commissions paid out to affiliates. There were months where their numbers would be “low”, so they would give retroactive bonuses out to all (or at least the top) affiliates for the previous month, and were constantly upping the payout rate to affiliates (which is odd only because they had no real competition).

I suspect eBay’s management staff within the affiliate program were probably getting quarterly bonuses based on how much commissions were paid out to affiliates.

Non-Compliant Traffic
eBay’s “favorite” traffic source back then was also technically violating their own terms of service. Cloaking search engines via server-side redirects was the thing they loved the most. But again… they stated their terms of service acted more like a scapegoat they could point to when their partners (notably Google) would question them about it.

So What Happened?
This part is purely speculation, but the feeling I get is that someone higher up in eBay got wind of what their affiliate program managers were doing and encouraging affiliates to do and “cleaned house”. I heard a rumor that the majority of the top 100 eBay affiliates were axed at the same time I was. I also heard a rumor that the eBay affiliate program managers inside the company were also “let go” (or at the very least relocated to different departments) at the same time. Did it have something to do with Meg Whitman’s (eBay’s CEO at the time) departure from eBay? Who knows, but I can only assume eBay knew of Meg Whitman’s departure at least a few months before it was official and started to bring in the new management team. It would all coincide with a timeline of someone from the new management team looking deep into how things were run.

So if someone higher up wanted to “clean up the department”, what do you do after you get rid of most of your top affiliates and replace the internal employees running the department? You take your previous top affiliate (me) and attempt to make an example out of them. In the course of this lawsuit, eBay has even said it’s not about the money.

Okay, So Why The District Attorney Then?
Off the record, one FBI agent told me that they (personally) thought this whole thing was a waste of their resources, and was a civil matter between eBay and myself. Politics is politics, eBay is eBay and coincidentally one of eBay’s civil lawyers used to work in the district attorney’s office. :)

Random Email #37

I haven’t posted a random email in awhile, so here’s a new one…

Hello,

I am Mr Mark Jo—-, I will like to make reservation for 6 people that will be coming for vacation in your area on the 20th November to 30th November 2009.

If you have vacancy for the specified period, give me the total cost for the whole period of 10 nights, with either 6 single rooms or 3 double rooms for 6 guests.

Number of Persons: 6
Mr & Mrs Alb—-{37 and 33yrs}
Mr & Mrs Ben—-{40 and 36yrs}
Mr & Mrs Ari—-{44 and 38yrs}
Arrival date: 20th November 2009
Departure date : 30th November 2009.
Number of days: 10 days
Number of Guest: 6,

Confirm availability and get back to me with your rates and total cost and if you will accept major credit card for your payment and convert the total price to British Pounds or Euro.

Thank you and looking forward to hear from you soon.

Regards,
Mark

I’m open to suggestions on how much I should charge these guys to stay at my home… let me know.

Random Quotes

So I found a draft post for this blog from about 3 years ago that I forgot to post (oops). Better late than never, right? :)

Kerry

arguing with another girl about how I found a plane ticket for cheaper:

“He’s a programmer, how can you expect me to compete with that??”
{name withheld (because he’s a bitch)}
“My wiener is so small you would need an electron scanning microscope to see it.”
Bobby (talking about his Blackberry Pearl)
“i slept w./ my phone last night

made amelia sleep on floor

she was pissed

but who cares – can I use her as a Bluetooth modem??? turns out, i can – but slow as hell”

Philip Garrido’s Blog

So the fruitloop that kidnapped an 11 year old girl, held her captive in his backyard shed for 18 years while she bore 2 of his children has a blog.

http://voicesrevealed.blogspot.com/

So here’s the deal… Google is really good at determining relevancy of a webpage and what a webpage is about. Maybe they should modify their algorithms a bit to detect crazy people automatically.

Quotes from his blog…

“…the Creator has given me the ability to speak in the tongue of angels in order to provide a wake-up call that will in time include the salvation of the entire world.”

“THE U.S. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS NOT THE SOURCE OF MIND CONTROL

These areas are off limits and a danger to anyone believing they can experience this type of freedom. It belongs to God for the direct application of His Word.”

“THIS ALL BEGAN BY GOD REMOVING A PROBLEM FROM MY SHOULDERS THAT BEHAVIORAL SCIENTIST BELIEVE IS NOT POSSIBLE TO REMOVE. SINCE THEN MY LIFE HAS SEEN MAJOR IMPROVEMENTS ALLOWING ME TO STAND HERE TODAY A FREE MAN.”

Spider Bottlecap Nearly Killed Me

…so as I’m going through the {cough, cough} 2+ years of comments I never got around to moderating on this blog, I came across one that is freaking me out.

http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/vampire-bite.html#comment-33317

Dr. Finch seems to think I have some gnarley spider bite that needs immediate doctor attention and my life is in danger.

I think he missed this part about this post… lol

Quote

“Okay, okay… it was from me trying to open a beer bottle with my bare hands last night at poker.”

Thank God is all I have to say… if it were otherwise, I might be the first person to die from not moderating their blog comments fast enough.

I’m 1,000,000,000 Seconds Old

I just now turned 1,000,000,000 seconds old. Happy birthday to me!!!!

Update

Okay, for everyone asking how I know… 1 line of PHP code will tell you how many seconds old you are:
[code=php] echo time() - strtotime ('Sept 1, 1975 10:17:00 PST');
?>[/code]

Plug in your birthday (not mine) obviously…

AdSense Account Going To Be Closed Because I Didn’t Invest In Magnetic Power

People crack me up sometimes… Some dude from Iran figured out how to make infinite free energy, and all he needs from me is $1,000/month or else he will close my AdSense account… :)

From [email protected]:
This is a warning and if you don’t pay attention to it you will suffer from bad turns.
All your income is through Google Adsense and if you do not cooperate with us we will stop this income source.
We would like you to pay us the total amount of USD 1000 each month.
This small amount could be considered as nothing compared to your earnings from Adsense.
If you do not pay this amount we will have to close your account by the help of special robots & spaming & …
I am not happy to do this but I have to as there is no way out of it and I trust if you were me you would also have to do the same.
I am an inventor and I have recently innovated a new design which will be accepted by scientific societies only if I can present a model in advance; and making the model takes money. They will register my new design only after they have checked all aspects of the same.
My theory is changing the power into energy. If I succeed many big problems will be solved.
All my design specification could be viewed in the following web log:

http://magnetic-machine.blogspot.com/

The magnets will be bought in installments and the amount you pay is to be paid monthly for the same.
After the registration of my design, the entire amount which I received from you will be paid back.
If you collaborate with me, you have helped to the science.
And if not, I will have to close your Google Adsense account.
I seek your help for the sake of the Science and if you are not prepared to collaborate I will have to close your Google Adsense account

Waiting for your reply…..

From me:
Bahahahahahahahahaahaha! Feel free to close my AdSense account.
From [email protected]:
i spam your adsense code to 100.000.000 email address
you earn 1000000 click from yahoo mail and Google close your account
plz wait until closing…!

If You Steal, The IRS Wants A Cut

This is hilarious… who in the hell comes up with this crap? Do they really think some thief is going to report it as “Other Income”? And even if they did (which would be funny), wouldn’t the government sort of be an accomplice since they are benefiting from criminal acts? It almost makes me want to go out and steal a pack of gum just so I can put something in the stolen property section of my tax return. haha

This is clip from page 88 of the IRS handbook for individuals (PDF version here).

So what do you learn from this? If you steal a car, return it before December 31 so you don’t owe taxes on it! haha

Alternately, treat it as “borrowed property without the owner’s permission”, but that’s a little more grey area and might not fall under the IRS’ safe harbor guidelines.

Blog Tag – 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

Augh, I hate these things, thanks to Shoemoney for this. He obviously doesn’t read my blog, because if he did, he wouldn’t have to cry about me not reading my email (haha!). :)

  1. I was born at home with no midwife (parents thought it was a good idea to just buy a book on having a baby)
  2. I never took a book home from school (homework was typically done the 5 minutes before class), and generally was a B student overall (I’m a good test taker)
  3. I went to Russia 2 years ago
  4. I’m building a house (well not me personally)
  5. I’m smarter than the average human being I have flat feet

I’m supposed to tag 5 people to put 5 things people don’t know about them on their blog… unfortunately I don’t think I know 5 people with blogs that haven’t already been tagged, so I’ll do 4 (all I can think of)… and I’m not going to notify them either. If they happen to see this, then cool… otherwise no big. So here goes… Bobby, Julien, Chris and Summer.

The Passion Of David Naylor

I would just like to thank David Naylor for confirming (against my will) that I find no enjoyment in kissing another man. God damn Brits.

I think it might be the only time in my life that my tongue has touched another man’s tongue. :) Tastes a bit like a buffalo burger. Blah…

Shoemoney avenged this deed by beaten him down at thumb wrestling. Oh wait, I think that was before…

(I ripped off the name of this post from Shoemoney, but it seemed the name was a bit more appropriate for my entry. heh)

Worlds Hardest Head

This woman was shot 6 times in the head… the bullets were lodged under her scalp, but none of them penetrated her skull.

Pereira was shot Friday in the small city of Monte Claros, about 900 kilometers (560 miles) north of Sao Paulo, after quarreling with her former husband, who was reportedly upset because she refused to get back together with him. She was also shot once in the hand.

Doctors could not explain why the .32-caliber bullets did not penetrate Pereira’s skull and didn’t even need to be extracted immediately.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/11/11/shot.in.head.ap/

Terrorist No Fly List

I know this is about a month old (I read it back then, bur forgot about it until I just ran across it again).

I wonder who the genius was that put 14 of the 19 9/11 terrorists on the national “no fly list”. Did they somehow think they survived the plane crash into the World Trade Center and were going to try to get on a commercial plane again? :)

Saddam Hussein is on the no fly list. What intelligence do we have to support that he’s a terrorist? I wouldn’t personally want to be on the same plane as him, but it more has to do with him just being crazy. But even then… when he went up to the ticket agent to get his ticket and showed his Iraqi passport with the name “Saddam Hussein”, wouldn’t that in itself throw a red flag? “Hold on sir, let me check the no fly list… nope, you aren’t on it. Go ahead.”

Evo Morales (the president of Bolivia) is also on the list. Was it the same CIA agent who put dead terrorists on the list that also thought the president of Bolivia was going to hijack a plane? :)

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/05/60minutes/main2066624.shtml

Vampire Bite

I woke up this morning and noticed that the middle finger on my right hand had been bitten by a vampire while I sleep, so in my boredom, I decided to take a picture for your viewing enjoyment.

The picture doesn’t really do it any justice. I did however learn that it’s extremely difficult to take a picture of your finger. Thankfully Alison told me how to put my camera in macro mode to do it (I always wondered what the little flower icon on my camera was for).

Okay, okay… it was from me trying to open a beer bottle with my bare hands last night at poker. :)

Burger King Now Serves Weed Burgers

Two police officers sued Burger King Corp., claiming they were served hamburgers that had been sprinkled with marijuana.

The lawsuit says Mark Landavazo and Henry Gabaldon, officers for the Isleta Pueblo tribal police, were in uniform and riding in a marked patrol car when they bought meals at the drive-through lane October 8 of a Burger King restaurant in Los Lunas, New Mexico.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/11/07/pot.burgers.ap/

Naked Man Arrested For Concealed Weapon

Uhm, what goes through people’s minds sometimes??? hahahahaha

A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.

The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.

John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.

“You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said.

Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061104/ap_on_fe_st/armed_and_naked_6

Guess What? People Don’t Know Who You Are On The Internet.

Something rather odd has been happening lately. I do something that someone doesn’t like (hey, I can’t please everyone). Then they start spewing about how I hate [insert whatever they are here] and am just out to repress/hold them down.

In the last week, I’ve been told I was repressing blacks, I was trying to destroy the Muslim religion (then also told I’m going out of my way to hurt Christianity). I’ve been told I’ve been oppressing women as well as “holding back” someone simply because they were a disabled war veteran.

In most cases it’s spawned because someone spams my forum with whatever great product/service they are offering for a limited time, so their account is terminate for spamming.

Okay, so uhm… here’s the deal people. If you spam for Viagra or pyramid schemes, your account was terminated because you spammed for Viagra or pyramid schemes. It’s not because I’m somehow clairvoyant and sensed you were a woman, Muslim, disabled war veteran, or whatever else. Let’s take this email for example…

fuck you for deleting my account!!! i hope you burn in hell you motherfucker. i’m a disabled war veteran. what’s your problem with war vets anyway? you go around deleting my account just because I’m a war vet? you are an unamerican asshole.

This was in response to being banned for spamming about “limited time cheap cell phones”. Kind of makes me wonder what goes through people’s head when they start spewing such funny accusations. Because uhm, I didn’t know you were a “disabled war veteran” until you just wrote me that email.

The good part about it, is it’s terribly entertaining. :)

Eyelash Transplant Surgery

Does anyone else besides me think this is weird?

Under the procedure, a small incision is made at the back of the scalp to remove 30 or 40 hair follicles which are carefully sewn one by one onto the patient’s eyelids. Only light sedation and local anesthetics are used and the cost is around $3,000 an eye.

The technique was first confined to patients who had suffered burns or congenital malformations of the eye. But word spread and about 80 percent are now done for cosmetic reasons.

The surgery is not for everyone. The transplanted eyelashes grow just like head hair and need to be trimmed regularly and sometimes curled. Very curly head hair makes for eyelashes with too much kink.

So wait… what? You need to go get your eyelashes a haircut once in awhile? And if you let them just grow out, they could grow as long as your normal hair? Bahahaha! rad.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/10/24/eyelash.transplant.reut/

Using Textbooks As Shields

What a good idea… maybe we should send old textbooks to soldiers in Iraq to give them some added bullet protection…

A candidate for state superintendent of schools said Thursday he wants thick used textbooks placed under every student’s desk so they can use them for self-defense during school shootings.

“People might think it’s kind of weird, crazy,” said Republican Bill Crozier of Union City, Oklahoma, a teacher and former Air Force security officer.

Yeah, people think it’s weird because it *is* weird.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/10/20/school.shootings.textbooks.ap/