What the hell??!? (blah, blah of a wannabe alien)
Weird Stuff
Genius Tasers Himself
Nov 9th
This kid might not be the brightest human to ever walk the face of the planet, but his unintentional comic relief if priceless. 
Random Email #37
Oct 6th
I haven’t posted a random email in awhile, so here’s a new one…
Hello,
I am Mr Mark Jo—-, I will like to make reservation for 6 people that will be coming for vacation in your area on the 20th November to 30th November 2009.
If you have vacancy for the specified period, give me the total cost for the whole period of 10 nights, with either 6 single rooms or 3 double rooms for 6 guests.
Number of Persons: 6
Mr & Mrs Alb—-{37 and 33yrs}
Mr & Mrs Ben—-{40 and 36yrs}
Mr & Mrs Ari—-{44 and 38yrs}
Arrival date: 20th November 2009
Departure date : 30th November 2009.
Number of days: 10 days
Number of Guest: 6,
Confirm availability and get back to me with your rates and total cost and if you will accept major credit card for your payment and convert the total price to British Pounds or Euro.
Thank you and looking forward to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Mark
I’m open to suggestions on how much I should charge these guys to stay at my home… let me know.
The Best News Show Ever
Oct 5th
So I’d like to put together a newscast… I want this guy to be my weatherman, and the guy from the previous blog entry needs to be my field reporter.
Random Quotes
Sep 14th
So I found a draft post for this blog from about 3 years ago that I forgot to post (oops). Better late than never, right?
Philip Garrido’s Blog
Aug 30th
So the fruitloop that kidnapped an 11 year old girl, held her captive in his backyard shed for 18 years while she bore 2 of his children has a blog.
http://voicesrevealed.blogspot.com/
So here’s the deal… Google is really good at determining relevancy of a webpage and what a webpage is about. Maybe they should modify their algorithms a bit to detect crazy people automatically.
Facebook Is Hard To Use
Aug 24th
Proof that you should have to take some sort of IQ test before having a Facebook account.
I’m Getting Married!
Jul 19th
…well at least I assume so. I can’t imagine he would turn me down.
Dave, you have a Shawn Hogan category on your blog… marry me? <3 We can frolic in a sea of code and whatnot.
http://www.dellanave.com/blog/
If I have a pool party in San Diego, will you come?
Spider Bottlecap Nearly Killed Me
Jul 18th
…so as I’m going through the {cough, cough} 2+ years of comments I never got around to moderating on this blog, I came across one that is freaking me out.
http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/11/vampire-bite.html#comment-33317
Dr. Finch seems to think I have some gnarley spider bite that needs immediate doctor attention and my life is in danger.
I think he missed this part about this post… lol
Thank God is all I have to say… if it were otherwise, I might be the first person to die from not moderating their blog comments fast enough.
I’m 1,000,000,000 Seconds Old
May 7th
I just now turned 1,000,000,000 seconds old. Happy birthday to me!!!!
World’s Smallest House
Apr 27th
How about a 96 square foot house?
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2007/04/27/carollloyd.DTL
AdSense Account Going To Be Closed Because I Didn’t Invest In Magnetic Power
Mar 17th
People crack me up sometimes… Some dude from Iran figured out how to make infinite free energy, and all he needs from me is $1,000/month or else he will close my AdSense account…
From qeo.50000@yahoo.com:
This is a warning and if you don’t pay attention to it you will suffer from bad turns.
All your income is through Google Adsense and if you do not cooperate with us we will stop this income source.
We would like you to pay us the total amount of USD 1000 each month.
This small amount could be considered as nothing compared to your earnings from Adsense.
If you do not pay this amount we will have to close your account by the help of special robots & spaming & …
I am not happy to do this but I have to as there is no way out of it and I trust if you were me you would also have to do the same.
I am an inventor and I have recently innovated a new design which will be accepted by scientific societies only if I can present a model in advance; and making the model takes money. They will register my new design only after they have checked all aspects of the same.
My theory is changing the power into energy. If I succeed many big problems will be solved.
All my design specification could be viewed in the following web log:
This is a warning and if you don’t pay attention to it you will suffer from bad turns.
All your income is through Google Adsense and if you do not cooperate with us we will stop this income source.
We would like you to pay us the total amount of USD 1000 each month.
This small amount could be considered as nothing compared to your earnings from Adsense.
If you do not pay this amount we will have to close your account by the help of special robots & spaming & …
I am not happy to do this but I have to as there is no way out of it and I trust if you were me you would also have to do the same.
I am an inventor and I have recently innovated a new design which will be accepted by scientific societies only if I can present a model in advance; and making the model takes money. They will register my new design only after they have checked all aspects of the same.
My theory is changing the power into energy. If I succeed many big problems will be solved.
All my design specification could be viewed in the following web log:
http://magnetic-machine.blogspot.com/
The magnets will be bought in installments and the amount you pay is to be paid monthly for the same.
After the registration of my design, the entire amount which I received from you will be paid back.
If you collaborate with me, you have helped to the science.
And if not, I will have to close your Google Adsense account.
I seek your help for the sake of the Science and if you are not prepared to collaborate I will have to close your Google Adsense account
Waiting for your reply…..
From me:
Bahahahahahahahahaahaha! Feel free to close my AdSense account.
Bahahahahahahahahaahaha! Feel free to close my AdSense account.
From qeo.50000@yahoo.com:
i spam your adsense code to 100.000.000 email address
you earn 1000000 click from yahoo mail and Google close your account
plz wait until closing…!
i spam your adsense code to 100.000.000 email address
you earn 1000000 click from yahoo mail and Google close your account
plz wait until closing…!
Wait What? She Wore A Diaper??
Feb 7th
So there was that astronaut chick a couple days ago that tried to murder and kidnap someone, and I guess I missed this part the other day, but it makes the whole thing a whole lot funnier.
…the sordid detail that Nowak drove 900 miles from Houston to Orlando wearing a diaper so that she didn’t have to stop for bathroom breaks.
If You Steal, The IRS Wants A Cut
Jan 5th
This is hilarious… who in the hell comes up with this crap? Do they really think some thief is going to report it as “Other Income”? And even if they did (which would be funny), wouldn’t the government sort of be an accomplice since they are benefiting from criminal acts? It almost makes me want to go out and steal a pack of gum just so I can put something in the stolen property section of my tax return. haha
This is clip from page 88 of the IRS handbook for individuals (PDF version here).
So what do you learn from this? If you steal a car, return it before December 31 so you don’t owe taxes on it! haha
Alternately, treat it as “borrowed property without the owner’s permission”, but that’s a little more grey area and might not fall under the IRS’ safe harbor guidelines.
Why Must I Cry
Jan 3rd
In the 80′s, it was Denny “Blazin” Hazen, then in the 90′s it was Eminem. For this decade, I would like to nominate this guy for taking the title of “Lyrical Genius Of The Decade”. His voice is also quite remarkable.
Blog Tag – 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me
Dec 18th
Augh, I hate these things, thanks to Shoemoney for this. He obviously doesn’t read my blog, because if he did, he wouldn’t have to cry about me not reading my email (haha!).
- I was born at home with no midwife (parents thought it was a good idea to just buy a book on having a baby)
- I never took a book home from school (homework was typically done the 5 minutes before class), and generally was a B student overall (I’m a good test taker)
- I went to Russia 2 years ago
- I’m building a house (well not me personally)
I’m smarter than the average human beingI have flat feet
I’m supposed to tag 5 people to put 5 things people don’t know about them on their blog… unfortunately I don’t think I know 5 people with blogs that haven’t already been tagged, so I’ll do 4 (all I can think of)… and I’m not going to notify them either. If they happen to see this, then cool… otherwise no big. So here goes… Bobby, Julien, Chris and Summer.
Nachos Are Yummy
Dec 11th
This guy loved his nachos at the Chargers game… His hand (and clothes) were covered in cheese. I was waiting for him to take off his clothes and start rubbing nachos all over his naked body.
The Passion Of David Naylor
Dec 8th
I would just like to thank David Naylor for confirming (against my will) that I find no enjoyment in kissing another man. God damn Brits.
I think it might be the only time in my life that my tongue has touched another man’s tongue. Tastes a bit like a buffalo burger. Blah…
Shoemoney avenged this deed by beaten him down at thumb wrestling. Oh wait, I think that was before…
(I ripped off the name of this post from Shoemoney, but it seemed the name was a bit more appropriate for my entry. heh)
World’s Stupidest Robber
Nov 29th
I don’t know what his “day job” is, but he has to be more qualified for it than being a burglar. This dude seriously needs to find a new line of work.
Naked Girls Skateboarding
Nov 19th
Every once in awhile I think I have too much time on my hands, but then I run across something like this that reminds me, that other people have more spare time than I do…
Worlds Hardest Head
Nov 11th
This woman was shot 6 times in the head… the bullets were lodged under her scalp, but none of them penetrated her skull.
Pereira was shot Friday in the small city of Monte Claros, about 900 kilometers (560 miles) north of Sao Paulo, after quarreling with her former husband, who was reportedly upset because she refused to get back together with him. She was also shot once in the hand.
Doctors could not explain why the .32-caliber bullets did not penetrate Pereira’s skull and didn’t even need to be extracted immediately.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/11/11/shot.in.head.ap/
Terrorist No Fly List
Nov 10th
I know this is about a month old (I read it back then, bur forgot about it until I just ran across it again).
I wonder who the genius was that put 14 of the 19 9/11 terrorists on the national “no fly list”. Did they somehow think they survived the plane crash into the World Trade Center and were going to try to get on a commercial plane again?
Saddam Hussein is on the no fly list. What intelligence do we have to support that he’s a terrorist? I wouldn’t personally want to be on the same plane as him, but it more has to do with him just being crazy. But even then… when he went up to the ticket agent to get his ticket and showed his Iraqi passport with the name “Saddam Hussein”, wouldn’t that in itself throw a red flag? “Hold on sir, let me check the no fly list… nope, you aren’t on it. Go ahead.”
Evo Morales (the president of Bolivia) is also on the list. Was it the same CIA agent who put dead terrorists on the list that also thought the president of Bolivia was going to hijack a plane?
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/05/60minutes/main2066624.shtml
Vampire Bite
Nov 7th
I woke up this morning and noticed that the middle finger on my right hand had been bitten by a vampire while I sleep, so in my boredom, I decided to take a picture for your viewing enjoyment.
The picture doesn’t really do it any justice. I did however learn that it’s extremely difficult to take a picture of your finger. Thankfully Alison told me how to put my camera in macro mode to do it (I always wondered what the little flower icon on my camera was for).
Okay, okay… it was from me trying to open a beer bottle with my bare hands last night at poker.
Burger King Now Serves Weed Burgers
Nov 7th
Two police officers sued Burger King Corp., claiming they were served hamburgers that had been sprinkled with marijuana.
The lawsuit says Mark Landavazo and Henry Gabaldon, officers for the Isleta Pueblo tribal police, were in uniform and riding in a marked patrol car when they bought meals at the drive-through lane October 8 of a Burger King restaurant in Los Lunas, New Mexico.
Naked Man Arrested For Concealed Weapon
Nov 6th
Uhm, what goes through people’s minds sometimes??? hahahahaha
A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.
The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.
John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.
“You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said.
Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061104/ap_on_fe_st/armed_and_naked_6
Guess What? People Don’t Know Who You Are On The Internet.
Oct 31st
Something rather odd has been happening lately. I do something that someone doesn’t like (hey, I can’t please everyone). Then they start spewing about how I hate [insert whatever they are here] and am just out to repress/hold them down.
In the last week, I’ve been told I was repressing blacks, I was trying to destroy the Muslim religion (then also told I’m going out of my way to hurt Christianity). I’ve been told I’ve been oppressing women as well as “holding back” someone simply because they were a disabled war veteran.
In most cases it’s spawned because someone spams my forum with whatever great product/service they are offering for a limited time, so their account is terminate for spamming.
Okay, so uhm… here’s the deal people. If you spam for Viagra or pyramid schemes, your account was terminated because you spammed for Viagra or pyramid schemes. It’s not because I’m somehow clairvoyant and sensed you were a woman, Muslim, disabled war veteran, or whatever else. Let’s take this email for example…
fuck you for deleting my account!!! i hope you burn in hell you motherfucker. i’m a disabled war veteran. what’s your problem with war vets anyway? you go around deleting my account just because I’m a war vet? you are an unamerican asshole.
This was in response to being banned for spamming about “limited time cheap cell phones”. Kind of makes me wonder what goes through people’s head when they start spewing such funny accusations. Because uhm, I didn’t know you were a “disabled war veteran” until you just wrote me that email.
The good part about it, is it’s terribly entertaining.
Dax’s Mustache
Oct 25th
This is probably the stupidest video I’ve seen in awhile… which of course I watched in it’s entirety… so well, uh… yeah.
Anyway, Dax is a dude I met out at SES in San Jose over the summer.
The best part is you get to watch him eat his Jack-In-The-Box lunch for about 10 minutes.
http://hammer-takes-on.biggnuts.com/moustache-awesome-google-video-also-awesome/
Eyelash Transplant Surgery
Oct 25th
Does anyone else besides me think this is weird?
Under the procedure, a small incision is made at the back of the scalp to remove 30 or 40 hair follicles which are carefully sewn one by one onto the patient’s eyelids. Only light sedation and local anesthetics are used and the cost is around $3,000 an eye.
The technique was first confined to patients who had suffered burns or congenital malformations of the eye. But word spread and about 80 percent are now done for cosmetic reasons.
The surgery is not for everyone. The transplanted eyelashes grow just like head hair and need to be trimmed regularly and sometimes curled. Very curly head hair makes for eyelashes with too much kink.
So wait… what? You need to go get your eyelashes a haircut once in awhile? And if you let them just grow out, they could grow as long as your normal hair? Bahahaha! rad.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/10/24/eyelash.transplant.reut/
Using Textbooks As Shields
Oct 21st
What a good idea… maybe we should send old textbooks to soldiers in Iraq to give them some added bullet protection…
A candidate for state superintendent of schools said Thursday he wants thick used textbooks placed under every student’s desk so they can use them for self-defense during school shootings.
“People might think it’s kind of weird, crazy,” said Republican Bill Crozier of Union City, Oklahoma, a teacher and former Air Force security officer.
Yeah, people think it’s weird because it *is* weird.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/10/20/school.shootings.textbooks.ap/
Snort Wasabi
Oct 12th
How in the hell did this guy not know what was going to happen if you do a line of powdered wasabi??? hah
I’ll Show You Tough…
Oct 6th
Some guys from my gang of ninjas getting ready for a high profile mission we are about to embark on…
